Thursday, October 11, 2007

Some of the things I’ve learned in life

Each day I have more questions about this life and the next one. And I know that since the Bible is but a brief snapshot of what heaven and eternity will be like, most of the answers will have to wait.

When I get to heaven, the first two people I want to see are two ladies named Kim: my sister, who died in infancy before I was born, and the daughter my wife miscarried.

I think the biggest surprise we as Christians will have in heaven is learning just how pragmatic God is.

I frequently disagree with film critic Roger Ebert but when it comes to movies and—for that matter—books, Ebert said something that I absolutely agree with one million percent: no good movie is too long, and no bad film is too short. I wish the movie Heat could’ve went on another three hours, and I was ready to turn off National Lampoon’s Senior Trip during the opening credits.

One of my biggest regrets about growing up is not trying out for high school football.

I’d never make it as a humanist. The older I get, the less convinced I am that mankind is capable of solving its own problems. Not even close. Not in a world where unborn children are murdered but murders are not only allowed to live but are allotted endless excuses for their crimes. In my steep pessimism regarding this, I become Woody Allen.

There are three phases of a politician’s career: doing what’s necessary to get elected, doing what’s necessary to stay elected and then doing what’s necessary to convince the public that they did a great job.

I love writing, but it can be hard work.

I hate store-bought spaghetti sauce, no matter how much it “tastes like Italy.” I’d rather make my own from scratch.

In my experiences, three of Christianity’s biggest problems are: not demonstrating God’s love to the world and each other, not studying the Bible and majoring on the minors.

If there’s one thing about heaven I suspect strongly, it’s that the iced tea will taste a lot like the tea from Bill Miller Bar-B-Q.

Probably the easiest thing for me to do in life is to get bored out of my mind. That’s why I try to make sure I never go anywhere without a book to read, a pen and notebook.

I’m one of the few Americans who absolutely hated the sitcom Seinfeld. It was exactly as advertised—a show about nothing.

If there’s one thing about South Texas summers I miss, it’s the sound of the cicada bugs.

I get really sick of people saying that actors and musicians “sell out” when they do commercials. Not every musician wants to spend the rest of his life performing makeshift concerts outside bus depots. Just because you’re Robert DeNiro or Gene Simmons doesn’t mean you don’t have groceries to buy and bills to pay.

I don’t consider myself an egotistical person, but I have learned that self confidence—believing in yourself—is an invaluable trait to have.

Life is unfair and filled with sorrow. Get used to it, fellow Christian, and take comfort in knowing someday it’ll be all over.

One thing about Christians that bothers me is the tendency there is to take preferences, support them with out-of-context verses and proclaim them as convictions. I knew one guy at college who would keep his shirt buttoned all the way up to his throat (as if he was wearing a tie) because he felt he was being immodest otherwise.

I get tired of hearing how men are supposedly shallow compared to women. Some women suspect that all men want is for a woman to show up nude, serve pizza and beer and don’t block the television. It’s a stupid stereotype, similar to a man thinking that all women want is to wear makeup, expensive clothes and max out their husband’s credit cards.

My favorite animals, by far, are ducks. One of my favorite things in life is to spray them with water on a warm summer day. You can almost see them smile.

One of the most annoying radio commercials out there are the guys with the New York accents telling you about the “guaranteed picks” in sports betting. I’d rather hear a Miss Cleo commercial…at least she’s entertaining.

Writing is my window through which I look at the world.

As a reporter, I learn how to deal with people. One of the things I’ve learned is that by treating a person with respect and not patronizing them, you can learn lots of great things.

I’ll never understand why ESPN broadcasts poker games. Poker is not a sport.

As a writer, you have to treat hate mail as a comical badge of honor. One angry Seinfeld fan wrote me an X-rated e-mail (I was shocked they allowed this preschooler Internet access), while one angry lady told me I should do the world and commit suicide. I pity these people for not realizing there's a great big world with a wide array of diverse opinions.

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